PPC day sixteen: Pride

Today was one of those days where everything fell into place. This is possible partly because our definition of everything running smoothly is tailored to our life.

Pre-kids we may have thought having a day with no tantrums, no refusing to get dressed, going somewhere exciting was the perfect day.

Now a day with minimal tantrums in which our child makes progress on things that are challenging to him while we peacefully proceed to fill our house with groceries and do something as a family is perfect.

Yesterday we were out of the house from a little after Truman got up until after he was asleep. Anyone who has toddlers knows that can be hard for them. But instead of regressing, he progressed during our day.

We practiced elimination communication from around 6 months. But toddlers don't follow simple equations well. It turns out:

Being aware of his needs to potty + knowing where to do it + being capable of communicating those needs, does not always = potty trained.

At home he has been potty independent (other than the occasional wipe) for almost a year. Outside the house was great until a few months ago.

Recently he has been on a bit of a public-potty strike, which has led to lots of accidents and clothing changes, which creates this horrible cycle of him not wanting to pee in the public potty, but feeling really bad about having to change his pants, which feeds back into the anxiety of the public potty.

Yesterday he peed in public potties the whole time we were out of the house. He wore the same pair of pants the whole day and I could tell he was proud of himself as we were of him.

For most of this potty strike I have been investing a lot of energy in trying to get him potty trained because I was focused on wanting my older child done with the process when my younger child arrived.

But recently I realized that my plan was putting stress on both of us. I backed off. I haven't forced the issue as much and made it clear that it is his body and his to control. It felt amazing to see him decide to use the potty instead of caving into the types of coercions I have been trying (and failing with).

Though we did have one coercion. The restaurant we went to puts ice in the urinals; what 2-year-old doesn't want to pee on ice?

Then we went swimming as a family and something amazing happened. Something that has nothing to do with me at all. Something that was his accomplishment.

He got incredibly closer to swimming. In the past when we would try to help him float on his back or even support his belly so he could kick his arms and legs he would get scared. Scared because he felt unstable. Scared if his face touched the water.

These are natural fears and quite useful. I would explain to him that he was safe, but feeling safe was something he had to come to on his own.

Yesterday he got to the point where he could use a few noodles to float on and swim by himself. Propelling himself along. He was even dipping his head and ears in the water on his back.

I am amazed that at not even three he had that kind of courage and initiative.

Looks like swimming lessons will be in his near future.