PPC day nineteen: Letting him steer the ship

Truman has been struggling with a variety of things lately: potty set-backs, difficulty wanting to leave house and difficulty wanting to return, and even hitting other children the last few days.

For a while I was too frustrated about these set-backs to figure out what the underlying cause was. I kept trying things to treat the symptoms of the set-backs (new potty ideas, new ideas for getting out of the house) but none of them were working well. Until one day it hit me that maybe he is just getting scared of the change that is about come.

He knows and loves the baby. He kisses my belly and talks about the baby, but I think he sees all the changes we are making and realizes our family has changed.

So then I thought, how do I help him deal with this bigger issue?

And I couldn't figure that out, either.

Until I really started listening to what he was saying. As he is running away from me in the morning he was literally saying: "I don't want to go ____. I want to stay home and do ____."

I was taking this as resistance, as him just wanting to be in control of the day. I knew when we got where were going that he would enjoy it (and this was true), so I thought he just needed me to be the one to make him go.

Today among pleadings to stay home I realized maybe he just needs more time at home. Home is a safe place where he is potty independent (except for the occasional wipe), can practically get his own food and roam from activity to activity in his own time without interruptions.

We all need the renewal of being home.

Whats more, his instance to stay home made me realize how much I want more time at home, too. How I feel overwhelmed by all the stuff we have been wanting to do + all the things I want to get done at home.

So we cut out our Friday class today and now have free days on Monday and Friday. Days to renew ourselves at home or go and do something less structured.

I know I will still need to steer the ship for him sometimes, encouraging him to do things I know are good for him or that he will enjoy, but Truman has a good compass within himself letting him know what he needs.

I need to listen to that.