PPC: Marching to the beat of his own drum

(at the Princeton parade. Today he was wearing his rainbow monkey hat.)

Joe was playing softball well into the night in Freeport (a land far far away) so I decided to take Truman to the Milaca parade which goes by Joe's office.

I knew we would have his office as a home base and friends to help.

He was hanging out with other kids, sitting, watching, laughing until several marching bands went by and he decided he, too, would like to be in a marching band.

This wasn't the type of decision that warranted an announcement, he simply took a dum-dum, a new trusty flashlight he has not separated from since discovering it last night at Menards and started walking to the beat of his own drum.

Did I mention he was walking IN the parade?

I tried to contain him. I asked him to stay. I said he could drum here.

But t here was no stopping him (aside from explicit physical entrapment, which, really, never ends well).

So, I shrugged it off and thought, what's the harm in following him.

We walked the whole length of the parade route that was left drumming along.

Maybe some parents would have felt embarrassment -- either because they were in the parade or because they couldn't control their child. Or maybe that is just what I think "normal" parents would think.

But I smiled the whole way. I felt a sense of pride knowing that my son is so willful and exuberant that he was willing to just join in a parade.

After a while floats threw candy, which he collected, then gave to kids along his route.

People smiled and someone said he was the cutest float in the parade.

This could have ended badly, with me dragging him to the car screaming that he wanted to go in the parade, but I suspended all in-grained training of what is "supposed to be" and listened to my instincts about what is really okay and what was motivating my child and went with it.

The gift for doing this for my child is clear, but there was a gift for me, as well. I got to see a pure glimpse of my son in all his glory with all of his outstanding characteristic shining the way they are meant to.

Breastfeeding is normal: Why I won't stop doing "that" in public

Well, it finally happened.

After over three years of continuous lactation I was confronted about nursing in public.

And you would think that three years of La Leche League, nursing in public, knowledge of laws and a general feeling of well being about breastfeeding would have left me lioness-like, ready to defend my child's right to eat without a blanket over his head.

We were watching my older son take his first swim lesson, beaming as he carefully listened and followed direction, giggling a bit as he tried to figure out the more difficult elements of swimming.

Keen needed to nurse, so I lifted my breast quickly out of the top of my shirt as I almost always do and popped him on. I cuddled his arm up near his face as he usually does anyway to offer a bit more cover.

When the lesson was over we were told that he was actually in the wrong class and I stood up with Keen attached to talk to the lady with a clipboard to make sure we got in the right class.

Then she asked me if I could please use a blanket to cover up while I "did that" or suggested I could use the locker room (where there are no seats but toilets and benches in the shower room that are usually wet).

I have supported so many women when they have talked about this happening to them and I thought it wouldn't bother me. But, honestly, when she said it my stomach sank. I got the feeling you get when you are pulled over by a cop and have no idea why. I was in trouble for doing something I knew wasn't wrong.

I also felt like my actions would affect the way my older son would be treated while taking his swimming lessons and was kind of in shock. What could I say?

I knew what I should say but I just wanted to recoil.

I looked at Joe and he recognized my slip into shyness.

He stood up for me.

He told her there were laws protecting our rights.

She looked surprised and almost relieved. She said she didn't have a problem with it, but sometimes people complain, then hinted that those parents don't like their kids seeing women breastfeed.

Then they complain to the lifeguards and it causes them problems.

We said we would print out the law and bring it in and we will.

What I think is particularly interesting about this encounter is the shaming language that was used. Despite her stated comfort with breastfeeding, she called the act "that" and then sought to protect, not the rights of the child who was doing an act she was comfortable with, but the rights of others who were probably swimming showing as much as or more skin than me.

I like to find consensus -- solutions that work for peace between those with different views -- but really is it ever okay for someone to tell me I can't feed my son in public because it makes them uncomfortable? Should I have to change how I act to help them find comfort or should they change their view as the law suggests?

I understand that everyone has different comfort levels with nudity and that many cultures prize modesty. But there is nothing immodest about breastfeeding.

I may wear a shirt with a tank top under it next time, which will allow for more coverage. But I hardly think the top of my breast is what was offensive. After all, we were at a pool where almost all women were wearing clothing that showed part of their breasts. This makes me feel that anyone uncomfortable with me breastfeeding at that moment in that setting was not, despite what they might say, upset by seeing a breast (breasts were everywhere). They were upset by seeing BREASTS FEEDING and that is not okay.