Showing posts with label Truman. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Truman. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
PPC day ninety three: Truman's Zen garden
It's easy for me to write off my child as wild and give up on trying to take him outdoors.
Last Friday we went out around 2 and did not make it back until 6:30. That story is for another post, but was fresh in my mind when Truman asked to go play in his sandbox today.
We don't have a fence so this leaves him open to the world, which in that other post I am going to write is a great thing even if it means more work or worry for me.
But I am learning not to worry.
The thing about my willful child is if I chase him he will run.
This is either because he thinks I am playing a game or because I am putting out the expectation that I think he will run. I am not extending trust and he won't exert the energy it takes to return that trust by staying in a safe radius of where we are.
Today I sat still while he ran and asked him not to go too far.
And he didn't.
While he was playing in the sand I had several more revelations about his behaviors. When I watch him playing calmly — which is to say in control of his behavior, not so much that he is quiet or still, but isn't frantic — I realize that getting him to a place where he is willing to cooperate means guarding him from the activities that lead him to be out of control.
Lots of young children need protection from dangers — from climbing too high, using sharp objects, from the cold, or stairs, or hot things — my eldest son is not like this.
He has a good sense of natural consequences but no innate desire to follow rules. He is fiercely independent and self sufficient.
When he was born I was expecting a baby. I was expecting someone to protect, to guide, to journey with. I am doing these things with him, but it has taken me this long to really see what it is he needs protecting from.
I think it is with simple activities — with slopes of sand, splashes of water and thoughtful building with blocks — that this child finds peace within himself.
And so his sandbox is his little Zen garden.
And it is when he is in these places that I become aware and find my own understandings about who he is and what he needs. It is in these moments that we communicate quietly and without words what we need and find a common ground on which to stand.
I think, too, that having a baby that is what I expected a baby to be, needing protection from the cold, loud, crazy world, I realize that Truman isn't just sloughing off these feelings. He doesn't have them.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
PPC day twelve: Turning a double negative into a positive
Last summer I made a decision that has lived in infamy in our home to buy a used light bright for Truman, my two-year-old.
I was picturing quiet created by concentrated combos of the little pegs, introducing color theory, and the final products shinning peacefully over him as a nightlight while he slept.
None of that really happened. Despite the fact that the lady has assured me her kids had just replaced the light bulb and that it worked, it never worked for us.
I was too thrifty to throw it away, thinking we could still play with it, we just couldn't plug it in.
Well, playing with it became dumping the pieces out of the handy, organized container (pictured above) all over the living room time and time again, while I foolishly and feverishly reorganized them by color (obsessive? yes. But I did say foolishly).
The light bright became a bane on our existence and Joe was constantly asking me to get rid of it.
Finally in a furry of nesting I threw it away and all the tiny pegs, too, but decided to keep the box.
Today Truman dumped out a bunch of the snaps I am using to revamp his diapers from the aplix velcro of doom Bum Genius 3.0s came with to lovely snaps that will stay put as pictured here:
(I will post more information about that project when I am done.)
Both of these situations were negative, yet I realized the snaps would have a perfect home inside that light bright case.
The snaps were just in open plastic bags that didn't seal, now they are well-contained and easy to work with.
And as an added bonus I don't feel so bad for my horrible light bright fail.
So there you have it: negative + negative + the right attitude = positive.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
PPC day eleven: Sleep now my darling ...
For most of his life, Truman has slept in our bed with us. He even napped with me or on my lap almost exclusively for the first 18 months (not a choice I made, but a reality of his need to be close in sleep to know he is safe).
When I watch him totally secure in his connection to me, exuding confidence in his daily interactions with other children and the world, I know that it is partly because I was able to love him in that way.
But part of expanding our family has meant a gradual weaning from our bed to his. It's been a slow process with lots of back and forth, partly because he is also night weaning.
While we have had some set backs in other areas during the day recently, last nights and the nights leading up to it have seen some amazing progress in self-soothing.
Instead of needing to nurse in his bed, or crawl into ours, Truman is able to just hear the sound of my voice reminding him he is okay if he wakes and can fall back asleep. Sometimes he does it completely on his own.
These are things some babies do before they walk, but that doesn't make it any less remarkable at this moment for us.
When brushing teeth and getting to bed is hard, I try to remember these moments. I try to remember how remarkable it is just to sleep alone and comfort yourself in the night and to honor this milestone of his as it emerges on it's own schedule.
When I watch him totally secure in his connection to me, exuding confidence in his daily interactions with other children and the world, I know that it is partly because I was able to love him in that way.
But part of expanding our family has meant a gradual weaning from our bed to his. It's been a slow process with lots of back and forth, partly because he is also night weaning.
While we have had some set backs in other areas during the day recently, last nights and the nights leading up to it have seen some amazing progress in self-soothing.
Instead of needing to nurse in his bed, or crawl into ours, Truman is able to just hear the sound of my voice reminding him he is okay if he wakes and can fall back asleep. Sometimes he does it completely on his own.
These are things some babies do before they walk, but that doesn't make it any less remarkable at this moment for us.
When brushing teeth and getting to bed is hard, I try to remember these moments. I try to remember how remarkable it is just to sleep alone and comfort yourself in the night and to honor this milestone of his as it emerges on it's own schedule.
PPC day nine: Sticks and stones
I will parent the way that is best for me and my child, even in the face of opposition.
When I first became a mom I lived in fear of the obnoxious on-looker, this fictional character I had created — kind of a cousin to the shifty-looking thief on those neighborhood watch posters — who really just embodied all of the fears I had about the choices I felt were right for my family, but stood out.
A piece of me was afraid of being judged for being different, but over time that piece grew smaller and smaller.
In reality, I never really had an encounter with any of the evil people I thought existed until last Saturday.
We went to 5 p.m. evening Mass because Joe was singing, which means he has to go an hour early so we went to 5 p.m. Mass at 4, which means we spent two hours in church.
For the first hour we headed down to the nursery to play. When Mass started, Truman did not want to leave and so we stayed for a while because I know that time of day is hard for him and that staying still in church is hard for him.
Eventually we headed up to the church, walked through, listening to what we could, then took communion. Afterward he wanted to look at the candles people had lit for special intentions. I have decided that if he can look with his eyes and not with his hands it is okay for him to explore these.
How else is he going to engage with his faith of origin at this age? Toddlers gain knowledge by interacting, touching, engaging, not sitting.
He was frustrated about the no-touch rule, but following directions. He was even making a good effort to whisper. Then he saw a statue holding a scepter and couldn't resist the urge to grab the "sword." When I told him no he got mad. Then I asked him to gain control or we would have to go take a minute. He did, but as he was stepping back he hit his head on the pew.
Crying ensued. Crying loud enough that all I could hear over it was the music.
Until I heard rapid snapping coming from behind me. I assumed the old man behind me was just going to try to cheer Truman up and was ready to tell him it was nice but wouldn't work because he was hurt, not mad.
Instead I found a grumpy face talking in a whisper shout I couldn't hear gesturing toward the music and the cry room. He was actually demanding I take my flailing child into the cry room in my 8 month pregnant arms because he couldn't hear the second reflection song well enough (although I could still hear it very well above the crying).
Ignoring the irony that the reason I was having a hard time was because my husband was in the act of making that music, wouldn't do the story justice, but the real point is this:
At that moment I could have gotten angry. And at first I felt that seeping in, but then I realized that nothing could be gained from anger. Nothing could be gained from letting him tell me how to parent child. Instead, I did what was best for us, which was to sit there, calm him, and move on.
After the song, the man stormed out of church. Truman had calmed down, but then got angry again because he wanted to light the candles.
We headed to the bathroom (one of the only actual non-distracting rooms for a child in the church) to take a minute and I started crying right along with him.
It was a horrible moment that I'm still sad happened, but it allowed me to realize how powerful I am as a parent.
I was able to keep from folding under the presence of the Obnoxious Onlooker. I'm freed from that fear because I faced it with all the positivity I am gaining from this challenge.
When I first became a mom I lived in fear of the obnoxious on-looker, this fictional character I had created — kind of a cousin to the shifty-looking thief on those neighborhood watch posters — who really just embodied all of the fears I had about the choices I felt were right for my family, but stood out.
A piece of me was afraid of being judged for being different, but over time that piece grew smaller and smaller.
In reality, I never really had an encounter with any of the evil people I thought existed until last Saturday.
We went to 5 p.m. evening Mass because Joe was singing, which means he has to go an hour early so we went to 5 p.m. Mass at 4, which means we spent two hours in church.
For the first hour we headed down to the nursery to play. When Mass started, Truman did not want to leave and so we stayed for a while because I know that time of day is hard for him and that staying still in church is hard for him.
Eventually we headed up to the church, walked through, listening to what we could, then took communion. Afterward he wanted to look at the candles people had lit for special intentions. I have decided that if he can look with his eyes and not with his hands it is okay for him to explore these.
How else is he going to engage with his faith of origin at this age? Toddlers gain knowledge by interacting, touching, engaging, not sitting.
He was frustrated about the no-touch rule, but following directions. He was even making a good effort to whisper. Then he saw a statue holding a scepter and couldn't resist the urge to grab the "sword." When I told him no he got mad. Then I asked him to gain control or we would have to go take a minute. He did, but as he was stepping back he hit his head on the pew.
Crying ensued. Crying loud enough that all I could hear over it was the music.
Until I heard rapid snapping coming from behind me. I assumed the old man behind me was just going to try to cheer Truman up and was ready to tell him it was nice but wouldn't work because he was hurt, not mad.
Instead I found a grumpy face talking in a whisper shout I couldn't hear gesturing toward the music and the cry room. He was actually demanding I take my flailing child into the cry room in my 8 month pregnant arms because he couldn't hear the second reflection song well enough (although I could still hear it very well above the crying).
Ignoring the irony that the reason I was having a hard time was because my husband was in the act of making that music, wouldn't do the story justice, but the real point is this:
At that moment I could have gotten angry. And at first I felt that seeping in, but then I realized that nothing could be gained from anger. Nothing could be gained from letting him tell me how to parent child. Instead, I did what was best for us, which was to sit there, calm him, and move on.
After the song, the man stormed out of church. Truman had calmed down, but then got angry again because he wanted to light the candles.
We headed to the bathroom (one of the only actual non-distracting rooms for a child in the church) to take a minute and I started crying right along with him.
It was a horrible moment that I'm still sad happened, but it allowed me to realize how powerful I am as a parent.
I was able to keep from folding under the presence of the Obnoxious Onlooker. I'm freed from that fear because I faced it with all the positivity I am gaining from this challenge.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
PPC day seven: Acceptance
Accepting things that are not ready to be changed frees me to experience the lessons and joys emerging from these short-lived stages in life. There is positivity in avoiding resistance. I will remind myself that I am not "giving up" when I choose this option with my children, only pausing for peace.
It's easy to get caught up in behavior modification with children and to start to believe that every negative behavior is a sign of something that needs to be changed.
I have a lot of tools in my tool box to work on these things — by figuring out the deep need that he has that isn't being met, by keeping him from situations that bring on the behavior, by creating more rhythm or schedule in our day to give them a sense of what is to come and avoid the anxiety of the unknown.
But I am finding through this process that maybe I need to add a lot more acceptance into my parenting. Sometimes "negative" behavior is just a part of that age or stage for my child and it is better for me to take my desire to modify it out of the equation and instead help ameliorate the effects.
For us, it's easy for me to step back and look at our every day and think there are things that are "wrong" with it. It shouldn't be this hard to change a shirt, put on pants, put on a coat, hat and shoes and get in the car, right?
I've tried having him pick out his clothes, helping him to dress himself, talking to him in length about why and where we are going, and other things I can't remember right now.
But at this moment I know that it is just hard for him to do something he is not self-motivated to do. This will probably be a part of his personality forever, but at two it seems to be at its maximum.
So, instead of making both of us frustrated pushing for change, I take breaks, find acceptance that this one thing is hard for both of us, make as little fuss about it as possible when I am getting him dressed, and let it go as we move through the day.
I have noticed if I talk about it too much, he begins to build anxiety about the moment. Then frustration, or desire to control himself, that he expresses in the moment is increased. The more matter-of-fact and quick I am about dressing, the less anxiety builds. For now I have chosen to do this to ameliorate the effect and let the underlying sit on pause.
It feels like giving up, but it's not.
What made realize this was a lesson from my little yet-to-be-born child. I've been back into the practice of yoga regularly for over a year now. I took a few weeks off in early pregnancy, but otherwise have been growing a little yogi.
Many amazing moments have emerged practicing yoga with my unborn child, noticing the changes in my body from week to week as I work through the same poses and freeing my mind to focus on us for a concentrated period of time several days a week.
Last week it became hard. The baby went through a growth spurt, which makes sense at 31 weeks, and I felt bulky and even my favorite positions weren't feeling right. Downward dog felt horrible and child's pose didn't have it's magical benefits.
During that yoga session I found myself crying on the mat. This was the same day as that first bad day in this parenting challenge, and I gave in to a feeling of failure — that I couldn't handle my child on the outside or my child on inside.
What followed has been a week of interrupted sleep and daily tiredness.
All week I have resisted these feelings. I have found myself thinking that I must choose not to be this tired right now. I must feel the way I did 4 weeks ago — energized, ready-to-go, able to easily fall back asleep and go through all my poses feeling strong, poised.
I was too tired to get up for morning yoga yesterday, then realized that I couldn't go to afternoon yoga because I wanted to listen to a photography marketing webinar. By evening I was tired, but Truman said he wanted to go to Y, so we did.
On the way I realized that the tiredness might become a part of my life for the foreseeable future. That I am going to start getting rounder and heavier and maybe poses that were easy would become hard. But I will accept that.
I will accept that this is the stage that I am in with this child and in acceptance free myself of the self-defeating thoughts of modification. Instead, I will embrace the end of pregnancy and beginning of a new life.
Accepting things that are not ready to be changed frees me to experience the lessons and joys emerging from these short-lived stages in life. There is positivity in avoiding resistance. I will remind myself that I am not "giving up" when I choose this option with my children, only pausing for peace.
It's easy to get caught up in behavior modification with children and to start to believe that every negative behavior is a sign of something that needs to be changed.
I have a lot of tools in my tool box to work on these things — by figuring out the deep need that he has that isn't being met, by keeping him from situations that bring on the behavior, by creating more rhythm or schedule in our day to give them a sense of what is to come and avoid the anxiety of the unknown.
But I am finding through this process that maybe I need to add a lot more acceptance into my parenting. Sometimes "negative" behavior is just a part of that age or stage for my child and it is better for me to take my desire to modify it out of the equation and instead help ameliorate the effects.
For us, it's easy for me to step back and look at our every day and think there are things that are "wrong" with it. It shouldn't be this hard to change a shirt, put on pants, put on a coat, hat and shoes and get in the car, right?
I've tried having him pick out his clothes, helping him to dress himself, talking to him in length about why and where we are going, and other things I can't remember right now.
But at this moment I know that it is just hard for him to do something he is not self-motivated to do. This will probably be a part of his personality forever, but at two it seems to be at its maximum.
So, instead of making both of us frustrated pushing for change, I take breaks, find acceptance that this one thing is hard for both of us, make as little fuss about it as possible when I am getting him dressed, and let it go as we move through the day.
I have noticed if I talk about it too much, he begins to build anxiety about the moment. Then frustration, or desire to control himself, that he expresses in the moment is increased. The more matter-of-fact and quick I am about dressing, the less anxiety builds. For now I have chosen to do this to ameliorate the effect and let the underlying sit on pause.
It feels like giving up, but it's not.
What made realize this was a lesson from my little yet-to-be-born child. I've been back into the practice of yoga regularly for over a year now. I took a few weeks off in early pregnancy, but otherwise have been growing a little yogi.
Many amazing moments have emerged practicing yoga with my unborn child, noticing the changes in my body from week to week as I work through the same poses and freeing my mind to focus on us for a concentrated period of time several days a week.
Last week it became hard. The baby went through a growth spurt, which makes sense at 31 weeks, and I felt bulky and even my favorite positions weren't feeling right. Downward dog felt horrible and child's pose didn't have it's magical benefits.
During that yoga session I found myself crying on the mat. This was the same day as that first bad day in this parenting challenge, and I gave in to a feeling of failure — that I couldn't handle my child on the outside or my child on inside.
What followed has been a week of interrupted sleep and daily tiredness.
All week I have resisted these feelings. I have found myself thinking that I must choose not to be this tired right now. I must feel the way I did 4 weeks ago — energized, ready-to-go, able to easily fall back asleep and go through all my poses feeling strong, poised.
I was too tired to get up for morning yoga yesterday, then realized that I couldn't go to afternoon yoga because I wanted to listen to a photography marketing webinar. By evening I was tired, but Truman said he wanted to go to Y, so we did.
On the way I realized that the tiredness might become a part of my life for the foreseeable future. That I am going to start getting rounder and heavier and maybe poses that were easy would become hard. But I will accept that.
I will accept that this is the stage that I am in with this child and in acceptance free myself of the self-defeating thoughts of modification. Instead, I will embrace the end of pregnancy and beginning of a new life.
Accepting things that are not ready to be changed frees me to experience the lessons and joys emerging from these short-lived stages in life. There is positivity in avoiding resistance. I will remind myself that I am not "giving up" when I choose this option with my children, only pausing for peace.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
PPC day six: Revamping bad days
I called this day six because it is the sixth day since I began, though this is not the sixth post. I shall continue doing this because I find it unlikely in this stage of family life that I will blog everyday, but am continuing the project each day and want my posts to represent time not accumulation of words.
Truman did not want to leave the kids area at the Y today. He wanted to stay and play with the magnetic building toys he constantly is working toward mastery with.
I could have found this frustrating. I could have taken on the tantrum he was throwing. But I didn't.
Why?
Because I know how important working with that toy is to him. I know that day after day I find him there playing with the same toy patiently building a multitude of shapes, increasing his understanding of geometry and ability to work cooperatively with the other little boys who are just as interested in this toy.
This toy, I am told, has caused fist fights. It's well-loved.
Yet, when I arrived at the kids area and chose to watch him play for a minute to get a glimpse into his world — the world that exists without me — I watched him communicating with others; I watched a conflict emerge as one child smashed what they were working on; then I watched Truman raise one of the blocks poised to throw.
I cringed, thinking, don't do it.
And, you know, he didn't. He paused, thought about it and recoiled. Then began playing.
My son is an impulsive person, but I know when I see moments like that that all the things I have done to help him control those impulses are working, even if he can't do it all the time. It's working.
I left and let him play for a while longer while I knit. When I returned he was still not ready to go and that brings us back to the beginning of my story.
I went in and looked at what he had built with others: a big house, really quite neat. We talked about it and he said he wanted to build it again. I agreed that we would build one more house and then go. So we did.
This kind of count down approach has worked for us before, particularly in the pool, but it didn't work at all now.
So, I end up having to haul him out, at which point every displeasing encounter within the next 45 minutes of his life became a manifestation of the frustration he felt about still wanting to build houses.
All of these things were just obstacles creating more space between him and the thing he desired and they created waves of tantrums: cutting of his wristband, putting on his coat, going in the car, not having the food he wanted in the car, not having enough water in the car, getting out of the car, coming in the house.
I could have seen each of these tantrums as individual problems, letting each one wear on me as I tried to solve it or reason through it. But instead I knew he was just frustrated about the one thing and it was making all of these things worse.
I wrote about this on day one. I really learned this on day one.
And so I let the tantrums happen as they needed to, offering calm solutions to problems as they arose. And finally after 10 minutes crying in the garage that he wanted to get back in his car seat, he came inside and was ready to move on.
Though the last hour had been spent in something I had previously considered a conflict, I felt no more frustrated than when I began because I chose to focus on the underlying issue and helping him through that. I chose not to take on the task of solving all the small problems, or worrying about why he was upset about everything.
And now that we are on the other side of it I will let it go and allow my mind to begin again.
I tend to think I cannot let go of these things an infinite amount of times each day. That eventually they stack up and overwhelm me. But I will learn to do this. As letting go of possessions that clutter one's life creates peace in the physical space, letting go of the emotional clutter that builds from holding onto these moments creates peace in the mind.
Truman did not want to leave the kids area at the Y today. He wanted to stay and play with the magnetic building toys he constantly is working toward mastery with.
I could have found this frustrating. I could have taken on the tantrum he was throwing. But I didn't.
Why?
Because I know how important working with that toy is to him. I know that day after day I find him there playing with the same toy patiently building a multitude of shapes, increasing his understanding of geometry and ability to work cooperatively with the other little boys who are just as interested in this toy.
This toy, I am told, has caused fist fights. It's well-loved.
Yet, when I arrived at the kids area and chose to watch him play for a minute to get a glimpse into his world — the world that exists without me — I watched him communicating with others; I watched a conflict emerge as one child smashed what they were working on; then I watched Truman raise one of the blocks poised to throw.
I cringed, thinking, don't do it.
And, you know, he didn't. He paused, thought about it and recoiled. Then began playing.
My son is an impulsive person, but I know when I see moments like that that all the things I have done to help him control those impulses are working, even if he can't do it all the time. It's working.
I left and let him play for a while longer while I knit. When I returned he was still not ready to go and that brings us back to the beginning of my story.
I went in and looked at what he had built with others: a big house, really quite neat. We talked about it and he said he wanted to build it again. I agreed that we would build one more house and then go. So we did.
This kind of count down approach has worked for us before, particularly in the pool, but it didn't work at all now.
So, I end up having to haul him out, at which point every displeasing encounter within the next 45 minutes of his life became a manifestation of the frustration he felt about still wanting to build houses.
All of these things were just obstacles creating more space between him and the thing he desired and they created waves of tantrums: cutting of his wristband, putting on his coat, going in the car, not having the food he wanted in the car, not having enough water in the car, getting out of the car, coming in the house.
I could have seen each of these tantrums as individual problems, letting each one wear on me as I tried to solve it or reason through it. But instead I knew he was just frustrated about the one thing and it was making all of these things worse.
I wrote about this on day one. I really learned this on day one.
And so I let the tantrums happen as they needed to, offering calm solutions to problems as they arose. And finally after 10 minutes crying in the garage that he wanted to get back in his car seat, he came inside and was ready to move on.
Though the last hour had been spent in something I had previously considered a conflict, I felt no more frustrated than when I began because I chose to focus on the underlying issue and helping him through that. I chose not to take on the task of solving all the small problems, or worrying about why he was upset about everything.
And now that we are on the other side of it I will let it go and allow my mind to begin again.
I tend to think I cannot let go of these things an infinite amount of times each day. That eventually they stack up and overwhelm me. But I will learn to do this. As letting go of possessions that clutter one's life creates peace in the physical space, letting go of the emotional clutter that builds from holding onto these moments creates peace in the mind.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Extreme Geometry
We stayed in a hotel Christmas Eve and night where Truman discovered a way to analyze geometric theories by leaping from bed to bed in different angles, thus inventing Extreme Geometry.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Empathy
Truman exhibited his first act of empathy today. We were out at a park with Khai and Sarah. It was a chilly day and both boys had hats, but Khai's had been left in the car.
Truman hasn't been a huge fan of hats this winter, so I expect he won't wear one unless it's freeze-your-ears-off cold. But he was wearing his hat today for a while, but then took it off, so I let Khai (who has been loving hats recently) wear it.
Later, Truman ran up to Khai and took his hat back. Khai started crying while Truman dashed away and put on the hat.
"Truman, that hat is very important to Khai and he would really like to wear it, since it is not that important to you, can he use it for now?"
Truman thought for a few seconds, then took off the hat and walked it over to Khai.
I could hardly believe it. He seemed to understand completely what was going on and chose of his own volition (prompted by me, yes, but he's not the type to do anything unless he wants to) to give Khai the hat.
T climbed up on this hill and said "look at me!":
Friday, March 19, 2010
A Calm is Emerging
Boisterous
Adventurous
Vivacious
Endearing
Curious
Willful
Inventive
Energetic
Loving
Kind
Joyful
These are all words that are easy to label Truman with. And while he does at times exhibit calmness, it hasn't been a hallmark of his first two years.
But today while we were checking out the Twin Cities Attachment Parenting playgroup I saw a profound shift in his personality. Other kids were running and jumping and tossing crayons into the air — things Truman normally does — but he was watching. He was engaged and doing, but on a quieter, gentler scale.
It was like peering into what the older child Truman will be like and I think it's immersion symbols something I've been noticing in him the last few days: he's gaining control of his will.
Since around 18 months he has had the bladder control, knowledge and ability to use the potty, but his desire to do so has waxed and waned, mostly in moments where his will to do something else was stronger.
At the same time tantrums welled and in our outings it was apparent that frustration mounted when my will to get things done interfered with his will to explore.
Overtime we have grown together. I have learned to be patient and cognisant of his needs and desires and he has learned patience and delayed gratification. He has also gained more self-control.
The last few days he has been asking for and using the potty well and he's been very understanding of rules. Most of the rules we use right now involve safety or how long we will do an activity. The last few times we have gone swimming he's been remarkably amenable to leaving the pool, whereas when we first started going he would cry. Tonight he even initiated the end of our swim.
He's growing up. And while we still have tantrums sometimes, for the most part at (almost) 2 we are better able to understand each other and explore the world as a team.
Adventurous
Vivacious
Endearing
Curious
Willful
Inventive
Energetic
Loving
Kind
Joyful
These are all words that are easy to label Truman with. And while he does at times exhibit calmness, it hasn't been a hallmark of his first two years.
But today while we were checking out the Twin Cities Attachment Parenting playgroup I saw a profound shift in his personality. Other kids were running and jumping and tossing crayons into the air — things Truman normally does — but he was watching. He was engaged and doing, but on a quieter, gentler scale.
It was like peering into what the older child Truman will be like and I think it's immersion symbols something I've been noticing in him the last few days: he's gaining control of his will.
Since around 18 months he has had the bladder control, knowledge and ability to use the potty, but his desire to do so has waxed and waned, mostly in moments where his will to do something else was stronger.
At the same time tantrums welled and in our outings it was apparent that frustration mounted when my will to get things done interfered with his will to explore.
Overtime we have grown together. I have learned to be patient and cognisant of his needs and desires and he has learned patience and delayed gratification. He has also gained more self-control.
The last few days he has been asking for and using the potty well and he's been very understanding of rules. Most of the rules we use right now involve safety or how long we will do an activity. The last few times we have gone swimming he's been remarkably amenable to leaving the pool, whereas when we first started going he would cry. Tonight he even initiated the end of our swim.
He's growing up. And while we still have tantrums sometimes, for the most part at (almost) 2 we are better able to understand each other and explore the world as a team.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Another "plan"
On the way home from today's adventures I was coaxing a very tired Truman to stay awake to avoid the dreaded 5:45 p.m. nap and the after midnight bedtime that goes with it.
So, on the drive home I kept tickling his feet to keep him awake. Toward the end of the drive I tried to give him a fig cookie help keep him awake. He stuck it in his mouth, then started to succumb to droopy eyes, cookie dangling.
I managed to get to about 6:15, but with such a big day behind him I think we're good; at least I'm hoping we're good.
So, on the drive home I kept tickling his feet to keep him awake. Toward the end of the drive I tried to give him a fig cookie help keep him awake. He stuck it in his mouth, then started to succumb to droopy eyes, cookie dangling.
I managed to get to about 6:15, but with such a big day behind him I think we're good; at least I'm hoping we're good.
Friday, January 29, 2010
A-B-C, as easy as YouTube?
Truman's been showing some interest in learning letters so we're planning to focus on one letter each day. I just put together a play list for each letter on YouTube. We'll watch those, cut out an upper and lowercase letter to stick on the wall (and by the time we get through them all we'll have our own alphabet chart) and then do something with items that begin with that letter.
Today, with A we ate, smelled (he loves to smell things!) and played with an apple. Cut out apple and alligator shapes, colored and labeled them, then stuck them next to the letter Aa on the wall.
Then I got ambitious (okay, MORE ambitious) and drew three trees so he could count some apple shapes and stick them on the tree. That is where it started to fall apart. He did enjoy coloring the trees, cutting up the apples he was supposed to stick on them and unrolling gobs of the tape, though.
In these moments I just have to remind myself that doing those things were important to him, way more important than doing the activity I had set up. And in getting to explore the materials in the way he desired he was able to finally work the scissors by himself.
Now if only I could figure out what he is learning by making the house so messy, I'd be set. Although I guess what I am learning by having a messy house is that spending time with my child is much more important than cleaning.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Overheard in our house
Truman just woke up from a nap and I took off his pants and diaper, saying "you're free."
And he says: "I'm free!"
Shocked I respond, "you're free!"
"I'm free," he says, "free, free, free."
We'll just hope he eventually enjoys pants.
And he says: "I'm free!"
Shocked I respond, "you're free!"
"I'm free," he says, "free, free, free."
We'll just hope he eventually enjoys pants.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Sunday, September 13, 2009
14 to 17 Months: From Pizza to Potty
(camping at Gooseberry Falls over labor day)
It's been a while since I've talked about Truman, so here is a review of this summer's achievements.
Around 15 months he started becoming very interested in "saying" things, but was having a hard time with many of the words he wanted to say because the compilations of sounds were too difficult. So we started practicing animal sounds, which he started picking up right away. The first was "meew," which he picked up rather organically from playing with cats and stated before even being prompted.
Dog (arf), monkey (oo, oo, oo, ah, ah), chicken (boc, boc, boc), cow (moo), tiger, lion, bear (all raaaawr), snake (ssssss, which is also the sound for pee) and a few others followed.
Then, a few weeks later word after word tumbled out of his mouth. Words like pizza (pzzapzza) cheese (cheee) and ball (ba) flow frrely these days. Other favorites include blueberries (bweebewy), water (formerly a tongue-wiggling sound water makes when you poor it and now wa'er), bye-bye, hi, and, of course, mama and dad.
If we tell him a word now, he usually will try to say it.
And it became clear he understood so much more, too. He stared being able to follow directions more (if he was willing=).
On this front he has started to come to the bathroom following my prompting and will even initiate this by telling us he has to go about once or twice a day (usually by patting himself or saying "pee" or "potty.") At 7 p.m. yesterday he was still using the same dry diaper he went to bed in the previous night with no pees having occurred outside of the potty. Today we've had a few outside of the potty, but mostly due to parental misunderstandings, not for lack of initiative on his part.
It will probably be a little while longer before he can reliably be out of diapers full time, but these are huge steps that have resulted from an elimination communication process that began when he was 6 months.
Truman continues to have huge feet (size 8, as of now) but is making up time on the teeth-front, popping molar after molar this month. He now has eight front teeth (4 on top and 4 on bottom) and three molars (one on top and two on bottom) that are coming in.
For the first time he is starting to outgrow the length of pants before the waist.
He loves to be outside and asks to go outside (mostly by whining and grasping madly for the door handle) every time he comes near our front or garage doors. He loved our camping trip and even did his share of hiking.
I am now planning lots of physical activity into our days. And this fall we are taking an art class for 1- & 2-year-olds from ECFE.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
King of the Rice Puffs
If only I could get Joe to grow a matching mustache ...
I think you all get the idea how we got here. It's the same way we got to the Chili powder pile and the sauce sea. It's the same reason his carseat is perpetually full of snacks. The kid likes to dump his food all over the whole world, then splash around in it. He has a zest for life.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Take your son to work
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
14 Months: A Little Boy Emerges
We gave Truman his first haircut last weekend, removing the hockey-hair mullet that had been amassing for months. I cut one side and Joe clipped the other; then I evened the whole thing out.
What emerged was a little boy with an almost immediately thinner face. It's been fun to watch him explore the world with his new hair the last few days. The hair is just an outward sign of an inward transformation.
At 14 months it's becoming more and more apparent how physically adept Truman is. He is impeccably aware of his feet and their position. When placed on a tall surface he will move his upper body while keeping his feet still and firmly planted. He runs "drills" in the house, dodging various obstacles at high speeds and loves to flip (with my aid) and spin. Last night he discovered he could look upside down through his legs if he bends his head down all the way to the ground.
He continues to concentrate heavily on finer motor skill tasks, as well, and is now able to twist lids on and off. He can use a spoon, but prefers his hands. Actually, he prefers tipping an entire bowl up to his mouth as though he were Winnie The Pooh. He still loves food on a stick and can now hold a tooth pick.
He's doing well with potty learning and is starting to tell me when he has to go more often, though the signals are varied and I sometimes get confused until after the fact. Yesterday he even tried to sit on the potty by himself.
He's seems to be taking a detour in the spoken language department, but continues to find more and more non-verbal ways to communicate and continues to enjoy music, exhibiting good rhythm when he plays the keyboard, other instruments or in his dancing.
He loves to kiss and hug and snuggle. He has become incredibly secure with himself while exploring the world and understands that Joe and I have to leave him occasionally but that we come back.
He is incredibly independent when we are out and wants to explore the whole world without holding my hand; yet when we're home he usually wants me near him.
Truman in the grass at 10 weeks:
and now:
Monday, May 25, 2009
BIrthday Boy
Truman turned one on April 11 and we had a big family bash. Unfortunately I was sick but thinking I could will myself out of being sick (a plan that worked fairly well). As a result there are a lot less photos of somewhat lower quality than you might expect from moi. Ritual apology.
We had a feast of roast, oven fries, chicken, salad, watermelon, carrots and two kinds of cupcakes I baked from scratch. Let me tell you, baking is not easy but most of the attempts were edible.
On a sappier note, this year has been amazing. Already Truman has made our lives fuller and renewed my sense of wonder in the world. Happy Birthday my darling boy!
Thank you everyone who came in person and in spirit and for showering him with gifts. He is so well loved. It's just a matter of time before he starts telling you all how much he loves you back.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Sneaky, Very Sneaky
One minute he's diapered and playing on the floor. I turn my back for the next minute and this is what happens:
I think we've entered a new era — the climbing era. The previous era will be referred to as B.C. (before climbing).
"Remember that time at 12 months b.c. ..."
I think we've entered a new era — the climbing era. The previous era will be referred to as B.C. (before climbing).
"Remember that time at 12 months b.c. ..."
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