This Week in Facebook

New feature!

I post day-to-day blurbs about the kids on Facebook but it always bugs me that I don't have an easy way to look back at those memories, so, I will round them up every week and post them here for posterity and future embarrassment.

Okay, I don't WANT to embarrass them but I am sure it will happen:

April 28: Truman decided to go into his own room to go to bed tonight. He is on a camping mat under the glow of his nightlights, with a pair of sunglasses and a flashlight hopefully falling asleep right now. He's growing up.

April 27: Brooke Walsh wonders what is the etymology of Truman's new word, "coocoobuya!"

April 26: Breakfast done; baby asleep; time to get these kids dressed and head to the Y for yoga. I have one hour. The goal is to make it there in a peaceful enough manner that I do not need the yoga simply to ameliorate the getting there adventure. Isn't that always the goal?

We did it. Getting there was relatively easy. I was late but Keen slept the whole time, Truman had fun and my mind is less permeable to whining.

April 25: Do you ever send intentionally vague emails to your spouse about inside jokes hoping they get it? These usually consist of a subject heading clue and link. Will he discover the joke or just think I am nuts? Find out ...

By which I meant this.

Joseph J Walsh Ah, McVitie. You're a first-rate jerk. But you make-a the good digestive cookie. And, apparently, biscuit cakes for royal weddings.

April 24: Happy Easter! Wish me luck in church. I am earning my take-two-kids-to-church-by-myself merit badge.

Joe is singing.

It was pretty good. Getting there involved a few tough moments but we did it. Happy Easter to all!

Joseph J Walsh discovered together with Brooke Walsh that my son has five levels of consciousness today: 1. awake; 2. tired; 3. over-tired 4. over-over-tired 5. "I'm a kitty. Meow."

April 22: Happy Earth Day!

PPC: Revelation!

This week has been my first real week with the two kids by myself.

I had part of a few weeks before but there was always a visitor, a day off work, or something to help me.

It's been fun to be able to get everything back in order the way it runs when it is just the kids and I, but also a challenge to do everything.

Mostly to do things for everyone at the same time.

But I have figured that out by being stronger about prioritizing my time.

The real mystery has been the dreaded late afternoon when my sleepiness combine with my non-napping 3 year-old's sleepiness to create two demanding people who end up yelling at each other.

Okay, some combination of whining and yelling.

After such an incident Monday I resolved on Tuesday and Wednesday to not yell at my child.

That was my utmost goal.

And I failed each day.

Today I realized that this occurs at the same time of day when I am starting to check out a bit because I am tired.

So, I realized:

Instead of checking out if I reinvest I can avoid the spiral into a puddle of mutual frustration.

Today at 3:30 when Truman became almost impossible to please just as I was thinking of taking a break I reinvested. I took a minute to think of something for him to do that would be new, exciting, refreshing.

In this case it was a movie my mom had brought for him when she came that I had hidden away. I pulled it out.

He is watching it, I am resting, whining is at an all time low and yelling non-existent.

We did it.

I don't think it's possible or healthy for me to try to never yell at my son again. It will happen. But I will keep analyzing situations to meet our needs better so we can live peacefully in this family.

When it is warm we will spend these moments outdoors but for now we have gotten over the rainy day hump.

And look, the sun is out. Spring are you there?

Barefoot, earth loving, hippie children

PPC day ninety three: Truman's Zen garden

It's easy for me to write off my child as wild and give up on trying to take him outdoors.

Last Friday we went out around 2 and did not make it back until 6:30. That story is for another post, but was fresh in my mind when Truman asked to go play in his sandbox today.

We don't have a fence so this leaves him open to the world, which in that other post I am going to write is a great thing even if it means more work or worry for me.

But I am learning not to worry.

The thing about my willful child is if I chase him he will run.

This is either because he thinks I am playing a game or because I am putting out the expectation that I think he will run. I am not extending trust and he won't exert the energy it takes to return that trust by staying in a safe radius of where we are.

Today I sat still while he ran and asked him not to go too far.

And he didn't.

While he was playing in the sand I had several more revelations about his behaviors. When I watch him playing calmly — which is to say in control of his behavior, not so much that he is quiet or still, but isn't frantic — I realize that getting him to a place where he is willing to cooperate means guarding him from the activities that lead him to be out of control.

Lots of young children need protection from dangers — from climbing too high, using sharp objects, from the cold, or stairs, or hot things — my eldest son is not like this.

He has a good sense of natural consequences but no innate desire to follow rules. He is fiercely independent and self sufficient.

When he was born I was expecting a baby. I was expecting someone to protect, to guide, to journey with. I am doing these things with him, but it has taken me this long to really see what it is he needs protecting from.

I think it is with simple activities — with slopes of sand, splashes of water and thoughtful building with blocks — that this child finds peace within himself.

And so his sandbox is his little Zen garden.

And it is when he is in these places that I become aware and find my own understandings about who he is and what he needs. It is in these moments that we communicate quietly and without words what we need and find a common ground on which to stand.

I think, too, that having a baby that is what I expected a baby to be, needing protection from the cold, loud, crazy world, I realize that Truman isn't just sloughing off these feelings. He doesn't have them.

Explore the world; dance a jig

Swaddle-baby and his friend the engineer

Some fun details: Keen in his mama made blanket. Truman in his Pam made shirt. Grandma and grandpa's birthday present to Truman.

Unplugging for peace

The title makes it sound like I am about to start a long journey of getting people to turn off the lights to save the world and create peace.

Maybe someday ... ;)

For now it's just for me and I am not talking about lights.

I am talking about this blinking box.

In the weeks leading up to the birth of Keen and in the second week after he was born I spent a lot of time on this thing. I was trying to rest by sitting in a big recliner snuggling my baby and I was using the computer to keep me company.

But then I realized I needed to create more rhythm and actually stick to it.

So I got off the computer and got into being with my boys.

And you know what? It's blissful.

Now when I check my email or facebook I find I am overloaded with the amount of info I have to catch up on and I will have to find a way to manage that.

But for now the most important thing is these little guys and keeping the peace within us all and collectively as a family.

I made a huge list of all the things I think we each need and how we can get these and you know how people say if you write down your goals you will achieve them?

Well, it is working.

My mother in law helped me finish cleaning the basement and I am about to have a home simplified to only the toys we really want that we can actually keep clean.

The flip side of this is that I probably won't be spending as much time keeping up with people or blogging; I will still be doing the project and will update whenever the time I have to do so meets the desire I have to do so.

I also want to get back to my roots. I am trying to take a picture of my boys every day and there is no better place to put them then right here.

EC Files: week three

We are nearing the end of week three and EC is really going well. Just when I thought it was kinda hard and contemplated just putting him in a diaper and forgetting about it things began to click.

I should say that putting him in a diaper and forgetting about it is not really even an option now because Keen doesn't like pooping in diapers.

He doesn't really even like peeing in them, but he will if he needs to.

Mostly, though, he just tells me when he has to go even if he is in a diaper and holds it until I help him.

Yesterday while I cooked and cleaned he slept in the swing and I thought it would be a terrible EC day. Me not being skin to skin would mean he wouldn't be able to tell me and we'd go through tons of prefolds.

But, no, the entire time Joe was at work we only used one prefold. And it only was peed on after 4 p.m. when I was holding him skin to skin.

It reminded me that this process is not about me training him but about him telling me.

This is baby cued not parent cued.

This is nothing I am doing but listening to my child and helping him to use a receptacle instead of a diaper.

It's incredibly simple and natural but also amazing to me.

PPC day eighty: sometimes they know better

This morning Truman wanted pizza so I thought of a plan to take a tortilla, cheese, carrots he could chop himself and some chicken, stick it in the oven and: pizza.

This made me realize that in all the time I wasn't cooking in the last six or more weeks I didn't notice that Truman really likes to cook.

So what used to be taking time from him, making a mess, cleaning a mess, finding something else for him to do -- often making a mess in the kitchen -- has become a win-win.

So I planned to make these pizzas open face because that is what a pizza is, but Truman wanted a tortilla on top, then while I wasn't looking, another tortilla on top.

If I was looking I would have told him that he didn't need three tortillas in his pizza. That is a lot of tortilla.

But while they were cooking I got distracted and burned them. Well, guess whose pizza turned out great?

The one with the safety tortilla.

I just pealed the burned tortilla off and there it was a perfectly good quesdadi ... I mean ... pizza.

He knows best sometimes. I need to remember that when I am looking and in situations that involve things more important than pizza.

And the rest of our lives is deciding when to trust him and when to trust me.

Wish us luck.